I’ve just posted the following on the boards over at Ship of Fools and thought that rather than try and say it again over here, I’d just say it again! It contains a glimpse of the frustrations I feel at myself at times because what I want to do is make a difference, and what I do do is rather more selfish (the human dilemma, eh!). This of course doesn’t just relate to Lent, but to the (my) general frustrations of “doing what we don’t want to do, and not doing what we do want to do” (though Paul still managed a fair bit for the kingdom I note!).
Just sat down with a cuppa having watched the delightful ‘Maid in Manhattan’ while cleaning the kitchen! I love a good old slush fest!
Shopping should be arriving sometime soon… can’t afford to have someone to help with the cleaning or the (massive) garden but at least I can have my shopping delivered every so often!
And I hereby declare that I have been absolutely (and rather obviously) useless at my chosen Lenten stuff – God probably rolled his eyeballs in prophetic style when I said it anyway – knowing what a useless article I am… but hopefully he won’t be too put out seeing as I have made a few sacrifices in my life for him! My school reports used to say… “Michelle is inclined to be rather chatty” and “If Michelle applied herself…” etc… and I expect my Lent report might sound a bit similar. Oh well.
I always think I’d like to get a “well done good and faithful servant” when I get there… but I suppose it might well be preceded by a despairing shake of the head and roll of the holy eyeballs*!
*thank goodness though that I believe in Adrian Plass’s summary… ‘God’s nice and he likes me’!
On a slightly less tongue-in-cheek note: I am always painfully aware that, despite being challenged and inspired by people of discipline and service, I am not a very good example of these things. I think it’s of great worth to be disciplined in prayer and fasting, love and service and other things of great value (for the kingdom of God)… but I am far too inclined to put my own comfort first. Isn’t life a delightful ride weaving through acceptance, guilt, enthusiasm, frustration, celebrating small successes and falling flat on your face!
Right, I’m done now… I drive myself UP THE WALL at times!! Anyone want a cuppa?
The boiled down version I suppose might be something like:
I don’t want to let God down,
but I do let God down,
good job he’s still at work in the world despite me,
perhaps sometimes I do stuff that helps,
though there could be a lot more,
and whew, he loves me anyway!
Or in the words of DC Talk:
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all
Will the love continue?
When my walk becomes a crawl
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?
I obviously have an evil streak mwahahahaha! Anyway, I hope that by about 5pm this particular wiblogger will have woken up enough to appreciate and forgive me! 
(At least I make a pretty efficient alarm clock anyway).